Yesterday Mike and I celebrated our 15th anniversary. Did you know that the average length of a marriage in the United States is 8.2 years (as of 2022)? That means we’re almost double the average! So do we get and award or something?? Just kidding, wink wink. We definitely don’t have all the answers but we do consider ourselves among the 64% of those in relationships who feel like they are “very happy”. Today I’m sharing some marriage advice after 15 years–take it with a grain of salt.
marriage advice
Sorry, but sometimes you do go to bed mad-or at least mildly annoyed–and that’s okay! Lots of people will tell you to NEVER go to bed mad. However, I’ve found that trying to hash out a disagreement when it’s late and you’re both tired isn’t necessarily the best idea. Say good night, get some rest, and revisit the discussion in the morning.
Hiding purchases from your spouse isn’t actually as funny as Instagram posts make it appear. It’s best if you and your husband are on the same page financially. There was a time in our marriage where (other than grocery shopping) I wouldn’t make a purchase if it was more than $20. I believe that budgeting and being honest about finances is very important in a successful marriage.
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Once you have kids you and your spouse need to be a united front. Kids are pretty smart–sometimes too smart. They’re not necessarily trying to get away with something, they just want what they want. Hey, aren’t we all a little like that? Make sure you and your spouse have talked about the important stuff and you have each other’s backs.
Maybe even more so than before you get married–date night matters. Mike and I have weekly date night and we both look forward to it. Now that we don’t have family living close it’s usually takeout and Netflix after the kids have gone to bed. However, I still love that time with Mike, especially after a long week! Put date night in the schedule and make it intentional or it won’t happen.
It’s important to remember that their family is your family. You see a lot of social media posts and tv shows making fun of in-laws. Yeah, sometimes certain family situations are rough and there are occasions where you need to cut ties. However, in the end family is all we have and if you love your spouse, you should love their side of the family too.
It’s not just about you. It also isn’t just about them. There’s a saying that both partners in a marriage need to give 50%, but actually both partners need to give 100%. How you spend your weekends, where you go on vacation, what you invest your money in–it should never be a one-sided conversation.
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It sounds cliché but communication is key. There have been several times over the years that Mike or I have let something go because we figured it wasn’t a big deal. The truth is though, you never really let something go. It just sits to the side getting bigger and bigger until one day it explodes. Talk to each other about anything and everything.
It’s important to try and learn your spouse’s love language. Even after 15 years this can be tricky for me because Mike and I definitely have different love languages. This also goes back to the last point about communicating. Here is a fun and true story: One of my love languages is receiving gifts, but that is NOT one of Mike’s. Our first Christmas together one of the gifts he got me was a watch battery. I still tease him about that. Sometimes when I feel “disappointment” about a certain gift I did or didn’t receive I have to remind myself that we have different love languages and there’s a learning curve!
What’s some marriage advice you have?
