As parents we worry about bumps and bruises. We fret over what we’re teaching our children and what we’re not teaching them. Oftentimes we obsess over every tangible concern. So, what happens when we feel like we take every possible precaution and our children are still attacked? Not physically, per se, but over our Wi-Fi connection? Today I’m sharing a personal story of mine, as well as a personal story from a friend of mine. But it really isn’t just our story, it’s a story that involves a lot of innocent people, including children. Today’s blog post is all about keeping kids safe online.
our story
april 2018
I was thankful I had to approve comments on my blog before they would post. So thankful because what I was reading in my comment folder was disgusting. I had gotten plenty of spam and phishing comments before but this one was different. It was not a general comment full of sexual innuendos, but a very specific comment about a recent Instagram post that contained a very innocent picture of one of my daughters. My infant daughter. My world was shattered.
For several months I had heard from a handful of other mom bloggers in my Facebook support groups. Mom bloggers that had received elicit comments directed at one or more of their children. Most of them had a commonality of the blog comment not being about a blog post, but about an Instagram post of theirs. Stranger still, all the comments were being signed by the same person. I had gasped and offered support while smugly sitting behind my computer assuming that would never happen to us. We don’t share our children’s name. I never post where we are when we’re there. I don’t post school or other identifying information. I’m careful about the pictures I post–no bare bum pictures of my babies! I thought they were safe. I was wrong.
| Why We’re Not Telling You Our Baby’s Name |
what happened next
Over the course of a couple months I received a few comments so I increased my spam filter so nothing would slip through the cracks. I’d take screenshots of the comments but didn’t really know what to do and I honestly thought if I just ignored them the sicko would stop–again, I was wrong. I realized it was a big deal when a blogging friend of mine said they were pursuing legal action. This isn’t just someone messing around who has too much time on their sick hands.
I contacted the authorities and sent along the saved comments. I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to forget about it after that. I just wanted to move on with my life. When the FBI eventually called me about the court case and to ask for a victim’s statement I meant to do it… but we all deal with trauma in different ways. I think my desire to forget about it and move on kept pushing it further and further down my to-do list–when it should have been in the number one spot. The court case came and went and I realized I had missed my chance to help bring a disgusting criminal to justice. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been so ashamed in my life.
Q&A with Desiree about keeping kids safe online
I met Desiree when she was living in southern California. Desiree is so full of life and has a feisty spirit that served her well when fighting for this case. I am so glad that my friend Desiree has agreed to share some of what she went through with us. I’m thankful for the women like Desiree who have stood up and fought for justice. Here are her thoughts about keeping kids safe online.
Can you briefly tell us what you went through?
In 2011 I began blogging after my husband and I moved to Los Angeles. It was a way to share our experiences with friends and family near and far. In 2012 we welcomed our son to the world, and the blog transformed into more of a family blog, a baby book. It was also a way for me to connect with other moms, and belong to a community.
Blogging was a large part of my life, and I continued with it when our daughter was born in 2015.
In March of 2016 – when our daughter was just 7 months old – a comment was left about our daughter. It was sexually graphic and explicit. It shocked me, left me shaken, and more than anything, made me mad. I took a screenshot of the comment, talked my husband about the incident, and tightened up my security settings on commenting abilities on my post.
Things went quiet for awhile. But, through the mom groups and communities I was in, I knew the comments were occurring regularly on posts of other mothers with daughters.
Desiree Macke
Then what happened?
Fast forward almost a year later, March of 2018 – and another comment, even more graphic and disturbing was left about my then 19-month old daughter. I saved the comment, captured the IP address, and knew something needed to be done.
After more discussion with my husband, who works in law enforcement, he pointed me in the direction of taking my information to the FBI.
Two other mothers and I worked directly with the FBI in gathering information to locate the perpetrator.
It took well over a year, but the perpetrator was located in Jacksonville,FL, a search warrant was executed, and damning evidence was found in his home.
Thanks to COVID, and many other legal hurdles, it wasn’t until March of 2021 that the two other mothers and I traveled to Florida, to testify in a federal trial.
The trial took two days, and on the final day, the perpetrator was found guilty on all charges.
In July of 2021 I traveled back to Florida for sentencing, and to give a victim impact statement. The judge handed this man a sentence of 64 years in prison.
Desiree Macke
| Read the msn news article here |
Do you feel like you had a false sense of security before?
Absolutely. I never said where we lived explicitly, I never named my kids schools, or teachers, I posted about trips and experiences after they had taken place. But it didn’t matter. Someone out there was following along and trying to exploit my daughter. My location didn’t matter. My carefully thought out posts didn’t matter.
Desiree Macke
Looking back, what would you change? What has been your biggest takeaway?
If I could go back, I would never have put our last name in the title of my blog. I wouldn’t have used my kids first names in any posts. I would have tried to avoid posting their faces as much as possible.
No matter how safe I thought I was being (or the fact that my husband worked in law enforcement, which provided a false sense of security) anyone who has a social media presence can fall victim to internet predators.
Desiree Macke
What would you advise other parents to do if this happens to them?
Save every single comment. Find the IP addresses. Gather as much information as possible, and take it to law enforcement. If one person won’t listen, go to the next, and the next, until action is taken.
Desiree Macke
in conclusion
I do think there are some things I “did right” over the years. Not sharing our kids names being a big one. Although I have found that people like this can strike and hit at any target they choose. In keeping kids safe online there’s no fool-proof formula.
It’s not easy for me to share our family’s story. As a mother I always want to be a good example to my children. I want to do what’s right and fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Yet I’ve found, in this case at least, that I crumpled like paper instead of standing firm. However, I share this in the hopes that it can somehow help someone else. And maybe a little bit as a reminder to myself so that I can be stronger if there’s ever a “next time”.
Desiree Macke is a mom of two and former blogger. She currently lives in the Midwest but dreams of her past life in the California sunshine. If she’s not in her kitchen baking for her shop, Cooling Rack Confections, you can find her running trails all over her state preparing for her next race.
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