A lot of people have asked me about how I’m feeling being so pregnant during the current state of things. Followers on social media have sent me messages, friends have checked in, and strangers at the store are all quick to voice their concern. I’ve thought many times about getting on Instagram and addressing all these questions. However, anytime I really started sorting out my feelings I realized it would take too long. Despite being so optimistic a week or two ago I’ve had to face facts. My reality is that I will be giving birth during a global pandemic. My reality is that I’ll be giving birth in the hospital where the first confirmed death from COVID-19 occurred in our state.
how I feel about giving birth during a global pandemic
I’m angry
Yes, I’m angry. Some of you will say this is selfish because people are dying. I say that you’re allowed to have feelings. Any and every type of feeling. I’m not going to apologize for having feelings. And I. Am. Angry. This is my last pregnancy and it is rotten timing. I’m angry that my kids won’t be able to meet their sibling in the hospital because of current restrictions. It may seem trivial, but I’m angry that my normal “end of pregnancy rituals” won’t be happening because of current recommendations.
My husband had to close his dental office except for emergencies. So I’m angry that that means he might not be able to be around when the baby comes. Or maybe he will because who knows how long all this will last? Like so many other families, money is going to get extremely tight soon if it’s not already. That’s the last thing I want to be worrying about right now. And it’s not just him, what about his employees? Closed businesses means nobody gets paid. Some people ignore or don’t seem to understand that the societal impact of so many businesses being closed for extended time periods potentially could be just as detrimental as a virus. So I’m angry.
I’m annoyed
Pregnancy hormones aren’t helping whatsoever but I am so annoyed. So annoyed with the politics and the blaming and the ignorance. I’m annoyed at the people on social media who stand on their soap boxes telling everyone to STAY HOME. As if everyone doesn’t already know that’s what they’re supposed to do. Guess what people? You’re not going to change anyone’s mind. The shelter in place mandates and social distancing guidelines are like any other hot-button topic–like abortion or vaccinations. People have their own opinions. You can yell and stomp your feet all day long. You can share all the information (real or false) that you want. But people will continue to do what they want to do. It doesn’t make it right, but that’s the way people are.
I’m annoyed with the people that think I should be a hermit because I’m pregnant. No, I’m not afraid to go out in public without a face mask on. Necessary errands still need to be run (food, gas, etc) and I’ll take the proper precautions. However, I will not let fear get the better of me. Current guidelines are that people have been advised not to wear masks unless they have symptoms or are an at-risk (or caregiver for an at-risk) individual. I’ll keep the personal protective equipment for those that really need it.
I’m overwhelmed
Usually by this point in pregnancy I’d be completely ready to go. I’d have over a week’s worth of freezer meals stocked. But the long grocery lines and panicked hoarding have made that hard. I’d have all my postpartum supplies ready to go. Again, current shopping situations and Amazon backorders have made that tricky. The blog posts that I’ve stockpiled have had to be rescheduled multiple times because no one wants to read travel posts right now. Gee, I wonder why.
I’m also overwhelmed at the thought of possibly giving birth without my husband by my side. Several of you have reached out and said that they already know of hospitals that aren’t letting anyone else in the delivery room. As someone who doesn’t get epidurals I literally need him to get through the pain. During the transition stage of labor him applying counter-pressure to my hips is the only thing that helps. As of right now I am still allowed one support person in the room with me. But things have changed drastically over the past two weeks–who knows what will happen in one or two more?
and yes–I’m scared
I am scared but not in the way that you probably think. I’m scared of public panic and ever-changing policies. If this goes on much longer I foresee that hoarding will get worse and we may not be able to feed our children. Or my husband might have to close his office for not just weeks but months or more. That means no income and again–no food. I have concerns about mass rioting and looting. I’m scared that people are letting fear override their faith. That people are following the irrational masses rather than the rational truth. I think back to how 9/11 changed things and I’m scared for what all this means for our future.
