Not too long ago I had posted something online about how pretty soon I wouldn’t be able to say I had four children under the age of six anymore, referring to my son’s upcoming birthday where he would be turning six. Apparently, however, that was not as clear as I assumed it to be and shortly after I had family members asking me, “are you pregnant?!” When I answered in the negative I suppose I protested too much, because my reply was met with, “you are, aren’t you?!”

I was not, and I am not, but that little episode left me thinking over something that had been on my mind a lot lately. Then I read this post and I realized that I was not the only person feeling this way.

We live in a world where, when children are concerned, you just can’t win.

If you are married with no children the question is always, “When are you going to have kids?” If you have one child people want to know when you’ll give your little bundle of joy a sibling. Once you have three or more though that’s plenty—and boy, you sure have your hands full, don’t you?

First of all, as I shared in my interview on Maple Alps, as long as you can provide emotionally and physically for them, how many children you have should be between you, your spouse, the Lord, and maybe in some cases where health and well-being is a concern, your doctor.

Please, stop asking people if they’re pregnant. You never know what someone is going through. Maybe the couple with no kids doesn’t want any, maybe they do but they want to wait awhile, or maybe they want to desperately but are struggling. Maybe the couple with six kids wants to have more but can’t due to health and finances, maybe they’re feeling overwhelmed yet sense a calling to continue having more, or maybe they are in fact joyfully expecting but are afraid of how people will react when they tell them because of how it went with babies number four… and five…

I hate writing a post about “what not to say…”, but please, stop asking people if they’re pregnant; do you really think if they were that’s how they’d want to tell you anyway?!

“Oh my gosh, are you pregnant?!” “Yes! So glad you asked me! I had this fun way of telling you that I had been planning for months but this is so much better!” #saidnooneever

I promise, if or when we are we’ll tell you—when we’re ready.