prayer and trust

LDS, prayer

Table of Contents

This blog post might be sensitive for those who are struggling with infertility or child loss. I want to thank mormon.org for sponsoring this blog post so I could share my story.

 

LDS, prayer

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

The click of the door as she shut it behind her echoed the click in my brain as I realized that this was it. Eight years later and the tiny details of that day are still etched in my brain. Weeks of hoping and praying for a miracle after my first abnormal ultrasound were over. The phrase “not a viable pregnancy” rang in my ears as I sat there with tears streaming down my face. I was aware that Mike was by my side, silently squeezing my hand and passing me tissues, but we didn’t speak for a long time. I’m not sure how long we sat there before we numbly made our way back to the car; the minutes seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.

The days and weeks that followed as I waited for my body to naturally miscarry were agonizing. Not physically, but emotionally. With so many unwanted and unplanned babies being brought into this world why had I been denied my own sweet spirit at this time? Was there something–anything–that I could have done differently?

 

LDS, prayer

 

After that first ultrasound that hadn’t showed sufficient growth I had prayed for weeks that my baby would be healthy. I just wanted a healthy pregnancy and baby and surely my loving Heavenly Father would grant my request. Then, after our follow-up ultrasound had showed–in fact–that we would not have our prayers answered at this time, I started praying for this ordeal to pass quickly. I fully expected to start miscarrying within a day or two, if not that very night.

After three weeks of heartbreaking waiting I couldn’t take it anymore. In a moment of exhausted anguish I felt prompted to change tactics; I stopped praying for what I wanted. I had prayed for a healthy baby, I had prayed for this to pass quickly. I now humbly cried to the Lord and asked him, “Please, just tell me what I’m supposed to learn from this.”

Almost instantly a quiet peace came over me and I heard a voice as clearly as if someone were in the room with me–“Just trust me.” My tears subsided and I reached for my scriptures to find the following verse:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5

 

LDS, prayer

 

That night my waiting ended.

As I sit in my home with my four beautiful and healthy children I think about the Lord’s plans for us. Over the past eight years I have had my faith strengthened as I’ve accepted that His plans for me are so much better than anything I previously planned for myself. Our timing is not the Lord’s timing, but that doesn’t mean that our Heavenly Father doesn’t hear our requests and doesn’t love us. I know that He hears our prayers and answers them, but not always in the way that we might hope or when we’d like. But I know that answers come when we pray, and as we wait for our answers we’re granted with peace and comfort. He is waiting for us.

 

How have you had your prayers answered in unexpected ways?