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prayer and trust

This blog post might be sensitive for those who are struggling with infertility or child loss. I want to thank mormon.org for sponsoring this blog post so I could share my story.

 

LDS, prayer

 

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

The click of the door as she shut it behind her echoed the click in my brain as I realized that this was it. Eight years later and the tiny details of that day are still etched in my brain. Weeks of hoping and praying for a miracle after my first abnormal ultrasound were over. The phrase “not a viable pregnancy” rang in my ears as I sat there with tears streaming down my face. I was aware that Mike was by my side, silently squeezing my hand and passing me tissues, but we didn’t speak for a long time. I’m not sure how long we sat there before we numbly made our way back to the car; the minutes seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.

The days and weeks that followed as I waited for my body to naturally miscarry were agonizing. Not physically, but emotionally. With so many unwanted and unplanned babies being brought into this world why had I been denied my own sweet spirit at this time? Was there something–anything–that I could have done differently?

 

LDS, prayer

 

After that first ultrasound that hadn’t showed sufficient growth I had prayed for weeks that my baby would be healthy. I just wanted a healthy pregnancy and baby and surely my loving Heavenly Father would grant my request. Then, after our follow-up ultrasound had showed–in fact–that we would not have our prayers answered at this time, I started praying for this ordeal to pass quickly. I fully expected to start miscarrying within a day or two, if not that very night.

After three weeks of heartbreaking waiting I couldn’t take it anymore. In a moment of exhausted anguish I felt prompted to change tactics; I stopped praying for what I wanted. I had prayed for a healthy baby, I had prayed for this to pass quickly. I now humbly cried to the Lord and asked him, “Please, just tell me what I’m supposed to learn from this.”

Almost instantly a quiet peace came over me and I heard a voice as clearly as if someone were in the room with me–“Just trust me.” My tears subsided and I reached for my scriptures to find the following verse:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. ~Proverbs 3:5

 

LDS, prayer

 

That night my waiting ended.

As I sit in my home with my four beautiful and healthy children I think about the Lord’s plans for us. Over the past eight years I have had my faith strengthened as I’ve accepted that His plans for me are so much better than anything I previously planned for myself. Our timing is not the Lord’s timing, but that doesn’t mean that our Heavenly Father doesn’t hear our requests and doesn’t love us. I know that He hears our prayers and answers them, but not always in the way that we might hope or when we’d like. But I know that answers come when we pray, and as we wait for our answers we’re granted with peace and comfort. He is waiting for us.

 

How have you had your prayers answered in unexpected ways?

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16 Responses to prayer and trust

  1. Kailei July 10, 2017 at 2:07 pm #

    Absolutely beautiful Justine! Such a wonderful reminder to trust in the Lord, His plan, His timing, and His love.

  2. Amanda | My Own Unexpected Journey July 10, 2017 at 7:01 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. This was beautiful and so touching and encouraging. The Lord’s timing is never the way I want it to be, but always the way that I need it to be. May He continue to bless you and your beautiful family <3

  3. Emily Bogner July 11, 2017 at 12:05 am #

    Thank you for this beautiful reminder that His time is not our time and that we must have faith and put our trust in Him and His plan for us.

  4. Christine July 11, 2017 at 8:45 am #

    Such a difficult story to tell and a hard time of life. Thanks for the reminder that we are watched over and cared for!

  5. Bethany July 11, 2017 at 8:19 pm #

    Thanks for sharing your story Justine! This is a humbling reminder of God’s ways being higher than ours. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

  6. Lindsey July 12, 2017 at 12:15 pm #

    Beautiful, friend. I clung to Proverbs 3:5 through our miscarriage and Zach’s cancer.. it was heart-wrenching but that verse always brought peace!

  7. Michelle July 14, 2017 at 11:36 am #

    This was beautiful- often times we think we know what is best for us but he truly knows- it is hard to trust in that at times though. its often like that with parents on earth- our children get frustrated with us at times cuz we don’t give them what they want but we know what is best for them at times as well. Thanks for sharing this

    xx, Michelle
    http://rosetolife.com

  8. Virjinia July 14, 2017 at 11:40 am #

    So beautiful. We are in the process of trying to conceive but nothing is happening yet. There’s been many tears and nights filled with prayer but deep down, I know He’s got a plan. If we are to have children, it will happen in His timing.

  9. Patricia July 14, 2017 at 12:06 pm #

    I can relate to this well. Although I know how truly blessed I am to have my precious girls, the hurt of my recent (January) miscarriage still rings loudly. I know that God is in the midst of all of our circumstances though, and his peace gets me through.

  10. Kate July 14, 2017 at 12:09 pm #

    This is beautifully written. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Trusting him is so hard at times!

  11. Lindsey July 14, 2017 at 8:54 pm #

    This is beautiful. It truly is amazing to trust in the Lord. I’m so thankful you now have 4 children.

  12. Jenn July 15, 2017 at 4:18 am #

    Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Our Lord is so so good and his timing is always perfect.

  13. Heather July 15, 2017 at 4:27 am #

    That’s one of my favorite verses. Thank you for sharing.

  14. Meg July 15, 2017 at 2:03 pm #

    Beautiful. I’ve been there, too, and it’s so hard to let go of MY will, especially when I know they are good desires. But, you’re right, when you surrender to God’s will, he can share his peace and help us heal. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  15. Angela Kim July 15, 2017 at 8:35 pm #

    My heart breaks just thinking about what you must have endured during that time. I agree that God sometimes allows hardship to enter into our lives to awaken us and help us to grow spiritually, but what a heartbreaking time it must’ve been for you. Hugs my friend. And so happy for your beautiful family today. <3

  16. Stefanie July 16, 2017 at 10:51 am #

    I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Such a difficult story to share.

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