Today I have some thoughts for you that are… different… then what I would normally share. And they’re messy. They’re a rambling, and at times incoherent, mess, but I felt like this was something that I needed to get out there. I’ve learned to listen to promptings in my life, even if I don’t fully understand the reason behind them.
The other day I was texting with a friend and she wrote that I was her #momgoals, that she felt like I was so on top of everything and organized. I was extremely flattered, but also shocked that she thought so.
The honest, raw truth is that I have been struggling. I don’t remember ever feeling like this before in my life. To start with, I have had zero motivation, which I think we all go through at one time or another, but this is different. It’s not like I’ve had no motivation in a certain aspect of my life (like blogging or completing house projects), but everything has seemed like too much lately.
Have you ever looked around and realized that you aren’t finding joy in things anymore? Stay with me on the train of thought here…
I was sitting in my house after the kids had gone to bed the other night, but before my husband got home (he has been working long hours with his new job lately) and as I sat there in the quiet I tried to think about when the last time I made cupcakes was. This might sound silly to you, who cares about cupcakes? Okay, first of all, don’t even go there, they’re cupcakes, everyone should care about them. Secondly, you have to realize that for me that is a big deal. I probably used to make cupcakes every week, I love baking and cupcakes are pretty much the happiest, cutest little dessert that one can whip up. Yet, I’m barely even getting three meals on the table each day, let alone having the motivation to bake and then have to clean it up. No thank you.
Blogging… I don’t even know where to begin… I’m really struggling with getting thoughts down lately. Last week I didn’t even blog my normal three times and I offer no excuse like I normally would. I just didn’t feel like it, plain and simple. I actually have a post all ready to go that’s been in my draft folder for months, but the thought of actually hitting publish and then promoting that post just seemed far too overwhelming as the week came to a close.
Our gorgeous master bathroom remodel still has not made it to the blog, which is so sad to me because that space is now my favorite in my house. I haven’t shared it yet because I haven’t taken pictures yet because I haven’t painted the trim yet. Just the trim y’all, I could knock that out during a naptime but it’s like I literally don’t have any energy to get it done. I have painted the whole interior of our house (some spaces twice) and I’m just so done.
I have emails to respond to and special orders to make and blog posts to shoot and write and edit; but the place where I feel like I’m struggling the hardest right now is where my personal life is concerned.
I have said before that you are the perfect parent for your children, because you are who Heavenly Father picked and that should be all that matters. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, especially where your family is concerned. Here’s the thing though, it’s one thing to know that, and it’s another to believe it 100% of the time.
I have been feeling inadequate as a wife and mother lately. I think that I maybe didn’t even realize that’s what the root of the problem was until I wrote it out just now. The fact that household and family responsibilities keep getting pushed further and further back is the thing that bothers me the most.
My house should be cleaner and more organized, I should be more on top of lesson planning and my son’s piano lessons, I should be doing more fun activities with my kids, I should be getting back to meal planning. The to-do list is never-ending and if you’re feeling the same way I want you to know that you’re not alone.
I know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, and unhappy.
I know what it’s like to go to your cry spot in the house and let it out.
I know what it’s like to be exhausted, mentally and physically.
When motherhood is hard remember this–motherhood is not about being Pinterest Perfect or showing everyone how you #liveauthentic in your perfect little squares. Please don’t be fooled into thinking that everyone else has their act together and you stand alone in your uncertainty.
When motherhood is hard switch things up–go for a drive, get some takeout, start your spring cleaning, write your thoughts down, maybe even ramble in a 900+ word blog post…
Most importantly, when motherhood is hard do whatever you have to do to find joy and choose it.
Be believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” -Gordon B. Hinckley